I've got a hungry heart

First off, HUGE thanks to Diana!! Diana created the blog header you see up top. I LOVE IT!! She also took the photo in the header and to the left during our photo shoot this summer. After all my hard work I wanted to see for myself because, well, pictures don't lie, and she definitely boosted my esteem with the results. What a talented woman who manages to balance a full-time job, two kids under the age of 3, an ever-growing photography business, and little favors like creating a blog header :) Thanks, Diana!!

We humans are fascinating creatures. Thanks to the God who created us, we have passion, drive, and hunger for life. Thanks to the not-so-smart choices made long before you and I were born, those inherent parts of our life have gotten messed up along the way. We try to take control of our lives because we obviously know what's best for us. We use methods we think will satisfy our cravings for life and numb the pain that comes along with life, and we constantly fall short. Then the cycle begins. Once the thing that usually did the trick didn't satisfy us, we need to try more of it. When those of us choose to use food, the amount that used to satisfy this craving and numb the pain isn't cutting it. We need more of it, and for a short time we feel satisfied, but really we're just as empty as we were to begin with.

In February of this year, I decided I would tackle my weight once and for all. No more dieting, losing 20 lbs, gaining half of it back, losing 10 lbs, gaining all of it back. I was tired of the struggle, and I was determined. After all my hard work, I finally got to where I wanted to be in September. I realized I was good at counting points, restricting certain foods, busting it at the gym, but I was always terrible at adding those restricted foods back and choosing the couch over the gym. I was a pro at losing, but far from it when it came to maintaining. Now I see the maintaining has always been the hardest part because as soon as I met my goal with whatever diet I chose for that round, I didn't have anything to focus except for my day-to-day life. I fell back into my old ways of using food when I was bored, when I was frustrated, and when I didn't want to deal with reality. For the past two months as hard as it's been, I've made myself go through each day feeling the good and the bad. For the past two months, I've done my best to not let food be anything more than a meal or snack when my stomach was growling at me. Of course I love food and enjoy it every time I eat it, but a huge weight has been lifted. The best part is, the scale hasn't moved.